If you are living in a marriage that has more conflict than comfort it is more than likely from unmet needs. Marriage will always have more conflict when needs are unmet. If you can meet these 4 needs in your husband, you can see a significant decrease in the overall conflict in your marriage.
1. Respect: The number one need of men is respect. To often in our world women have given up this main aspect of relationships with men and they are now suffering the consequences. In many marriages today we see women who have no idea what it looks like to treat their husbands with respect. Hey let’s face it, you just don’t know what you don’t know. Respect looks very different to men than it does to women. If you are out to dinner with your girlfriends you will probably find that all of you talk at the same time, you are fully engaged in every conversation and no one at the table is the slightest bit offended by this. The difference is men NEVER do this. They never talk over each other. To a man, that is super disrespectful. Learning to let him talk without butting in will speak volumes of respect to him. Another way wives get in trouble is by making their husbands equal to the children. If we are not careful women, we will redirect their behavior, spit on our finger and wipe food off their face and maybe even slick down their hair right in front of everyone. Remind yourself, you are not their mother. You are free to make a discrete suggestion if you notice a problem but they do not want to be mothered.
2. Sex: For men, sex is such a vital part of who they are and how they see themselves. Men need a sexual connection with their wives to help them feel completely connected to them. When you are withholding sex from your husband it is creating a huge wedge between you and him. Initiating sexual encounters with your husband feels this need like nothing else. Sex is not something to be earned, it is not to be used as punishment. Sex is a vital need of men and it enhances your relationship when you give it freely.
3. Companionship: Sometimes I call this fellowship because it helps me remember fellowship is really 2 people in the same ship. Men need to enjoy spending time with their wives doing something they like to do. Learn to enjoy what your husband loves to do. Learn to speak that language. If you husband loves sports learn as much about it as possible, watch games or engage in playing the sport with him. Showing your interest in something he is interested in builds communication and emotional connection. The payoff is big when you meet your husbands need for companionship.
4: Domestic Support: This is much more than just having a clean home that passes the white glove test. This is all about creating a home environment where you husband wants to be and feels safe. This need is why so much money has been made in the “man cave” industry. While I’m are not saying your entire home should be his man cave it does give you a good basis for where to start. Does he need a short period of time to shift gears from work to home life when he gets home? Giving him that 20 minutes of peace and quiet will increase the quality of the rest of your evening together. Does he enjoy a home cooked meal? Making it important to have a meal cooked often really can meet this need. Is he safe at home to really be himself without being judged and criticized? Can he be sure that you will keep his confidence if he shares his innermost thoughts with you? These are all ways to provide domestic support will have his needs met well.
One of the best ways to know if you are truly meeting the needs of your spouse is to look at the amount of conflict you have in your marriage. Less conflict happens when needs are met. Do you need more help for your marriage? Connect with us. Learn to have the marriage of your dreams.